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Phoebe's Songtexts

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All the texts of Phoebe's songs.

Smelly Cat

       Main article: Smelly Cat
Smelly cat, Smelly Cat,
What are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
It's not your fault!
They won't take you to the vet,
You're obviously not their favorite pet,
You may not smell like roses,
You're no friend to those with noses!

Sticky Shoes

This song appears in The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner. It was co-written by Phoebe and her former singing partner, Leslie.

My favorite shoes, so good to me,
I wear them every day.
Down at the heel, holes in the toes,
Don't care what people say.
My feet's best friend, pals to the end,
With them I'm one hot chicky,
Though late one night,
Not much light,
I stepped in something icky!
Sticky Shoes, Sticky Shoes,
Always make me smile
Sticky Shoes, Sticky Shoes,
Next time I'll...
Avoid the...
Pile!

Christmas Song

       Main article: Christmas Song
Went to the store,
Sat on Santa's lap,
Asked him to bring my friends
All kinds of crap.
Said, all you need is to write them a song.
Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along,
No, don't sing along...
Monica, Monica,
Have a Happy Hanukkah
Saw Santa Claus,
He said hello to Ross.
And please tell Joey,
Christmas will be snowy!!
And Rachel and Chandler,
Ha ah ha ah handler!"

Snowman / Mother Suicide Song

I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin',
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?...
(Advert break)
...my mother's ashes,
even her eyelashes,
are resting in a little, yellow jar.
Sometimes when its freezing,
I feel a little sneezy.
And-(see below)

This song was the one being sung when David interrupted, resulting in the abrupt mid sentence ending.

Two of Them Kissed Last Night

There was a girl, we'll call her Betty,
And a guy, let's call him Neil.
Now, I can't stress this point too strongly,
This story isn't real.
Now our Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly?
Or will it be the one who we'll call Loolie?
He must decide, he must decide,
Even though I made him up, he must decide...

Brief Songs

The following songs were brief, either because they were not shown in full, or Phoebe wrote them short.

The First Song

Love is sweet as summer showers
Love is a wondrous work of art
But your love, oh your love, your love...
Is like a giant pidgeon...
Crapping on my heart
Lalalalalalalala
Ooooh

Blackout Song

New York City has no power
And the milk is getting sour
But to me it is not scary
'Cause I stay away from dairy

The Woman Smelt Like Garbage

It wasn't just that she was fat
The woman smelt like garbage!

Little Fetus

Are you in there, little fetus?
In nine months, will you come greet us?
I...will...buy you some Adidas...

Little Black Curly Hair

I found you in my bed!
How'd you wind up there?
You are a mystery!
Little black curly hair!
Little black curly hair!
Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair

Shower Song

I'm in the shower, and i'm writing a song,
Stop me if you've heard it,
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And tegrin, spelt backwards, is nirget.
(instrumental)
Lather, rinse, repeat
And lather, rinse, repeat
And lather, rinse, repeat
As needed
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la

Jingle Bitch

Jingle bitch screwed me over!!
Go to Hell Jingle whore!
Go to Hell! (3X)

Babies

They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch
Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why
And you cry and you cry and you cry
And you cry and you cry...

Parading Goats

Parading goats are parading,
Parading down the street.
Parading goats are parading,
Leaving little treats.

Argentina Song

And there’s a country called Argentina
It’s a place I’ve never seen
But I'm told for fifty pesos
You can buy a human spleeeeen
Human spleen!
Olé!

Crusty Old Man

And the crusty old man
Said I'll do what I can
And the rest of the rats played Maracas!

Singing at the Wedding

Whenever I get get married
Guess who won't be asked to sing
Somebody named Geller
And somebody else named Bing!

Cow in the Meadow goes moo

The cow in the meadow goes moo
The cow in the meadow goes moo
The farmer hits him on the head, and grinds him up
And that's how we get hamburgers
Now chickens!...

Grandma

Now grandmas a person that everyone likes
She brought you a train and a bright shinny bike
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner
Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru
But the truth is she died and someday you will too
Lalalala lalalala

Kidding themselves

Sometimes men love women
And sometimes men love men
Then there are some bisexuals
Though some just say they're kidding themselves

Colors of my bedroom

And fuschia and mauve
Those are the 66 colors of my bedroom

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